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Work Sample : Quinn

Task : We are Australians - English in citizenship, community and cultural identity: Narrative Writing

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We are Australians - English in citizenship, community and cultural identity: Narrative Writing - Quinn (80-89)

Commentary

This response demonstrates a sound understanding of narrative structure as it attempts to explore the concept of Australian identity through the imaginative incorporation of the image. While the figurative language is at times clichéd there is evidence of methodically ‘crafting’ the story with the use of appropriate visual description to engage the reader. This work sample demonstrates characteristics of work typically produced by a student performing within the 80–89 mark range by the end of Stage 6.

Any other Sunday

It was like any other Sunday. The sun was shining brightly and the birds were chirping happily outside. Sarah had just woken up and went downstairs to have breakfast. She could smell the bacon and eggs popping in the fry pan. She sat down at the table with her dad and brother, juice already poured into a cup for her. Her mum was making a cup of tea; you could hear the kettle squealing like a pig getting his tail pulled. “Good morning Sarah, you really for your day today?” her mother said very happily. Sarah was participating in the local surf competition that occurred every year, on the last Sunday of January. Sarah was a very talented surfer and it was her passion. She was also very passionate about her country: she loved being an Australian and will celebrate her love for her country whenever she had the chance. Australia’ day was Sarah’s favourite day of the year. she got to show who she really was and how amazing her country was. Her amazing Aussie spirit is what gave Sarah her nickname ‘Aussie”.

Huge crowds come down to the beachside to see the event. Mainly teenagers in sing lets and bikinis, most were sunburnt and red like a tomato. There was music playing and sausage sandwich’s on sale. People were warming up for their events. The surf was pretty rough. The waves were really big but the surfers were excited and happy that there actually was a good surf. Her parents Susan and John were there to cheer their daughter on. Her mum and dad didn’t like the idea of Sarah surfing. Her mum always worried when she saw her daughter go out into the rough seas, but they just had to accept that was what Sarah loved, and they couldn’t stop her from surfing.

Sarah’s age group was coming up soon. A few minutes before the 17 year old surfer was due to complete in the surfing event, Sarah said to her parents “wish me luck, love ya’s”. They were her last ever words to her family. Despite her fears Sarah joined her fellow competitors in the 17 year old event, and the group made their way down to the water’s edge. A few moments later, Sarah was padding out to get a good wave. The water was really choppy and the waves were some of the biggest waves Sarah would have ever seen in her 12 years of surfing. In her heart she felt something was wrong, but nothing bad was happening yet. Then in the near distance Sarah could see a huge blue wall coming towards her. It was getting close and closer. The wave suddenly hit her like a tone of bricks. She was shoved and dunked around in the churning water and Sarah hit her head on the rocks bellow. She was knocked unconscious. She disappeared beneath the water. Everyone on the beach saw what happened and they were all watching with worried looks on their faces, waiting for Sarah to reach the surface again. A few seconds has past and she still hadn’t resurfaced yet. The surf ski’s franticly sped over to where she was last seen. Nobody could see her. Everyone was looking around worried. Teenagers ran into the water to search for Sarah. Her body was missing for over half an hour before the rescue lifeguards found her. She was dragged out of the water and they tried reviving her, but did not succeed, it was too late.

Everyone was in shock. And her family was devastated; they didn’t know what to think. Sarah’s mum had tears running down her cheeks, as she hugged Sarah’s father, as he sobbed. Nothing could have stopped Sarah from surfing; it was her passion, her life. Sarah died doing something she loved most. A couple of days later Sarah’s funeral was held at the park just up the road from the beach where Sarah tragically lost her life the Sunday before. Her father spoke about her great Aussie spirit and how she had a great passion for surfing. Tears filled the park as he spoke about Sarah and the great life she had.

After the ceremony finished everyone walked down to the beach where she passed away. A minute of silence took place by the hundreds of people that turned up to mourn her death. Her family and friends joined in with her parents to write Sarah’s nickname ‘aussie’ in the sand with seaweed from the water. It was hard for her friends to go back to school the next day. Not hearing her jokes and laughing just made the playground dead.

The next few weeks were so hard. Her parents walked down the same beach every afternoon. Hoping they were going to wake up from this nightmare.

They soon realized that Sarah wasn’t coming back. And they were going to have to get their lives back of track. Sarah was gone and that was it. There was nothing else they could do. Just move on, but never forget their daughter, Sarah.

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