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Work Sample : Lesley

Activity : Persuasive writing to raise public awareness

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Persuasive writing to raise public awareness - Lesley (Grade C)

Midway through Stage 5 (end of Year 9)


View Grade Commentary for this Work Sample.

DJ: Good Afternoon. You are listening to a Community Radio. We are here with a year 9 student who is going to talk to us about a topic that they feel passionately about. Hello
STUDENT: Hello.
DJ: When did you start to become interested in the topic of child obesity?
STUDENT: I heard a statistic on the news a while ago which just astonished me! It was that more than 25% of Australian children are overweight or obese.
DJ: That’s a pretty amazing statistic.
STUDENT: That’s what I thought. And I wondered why so many kids are having a problem with their weight?
DJ: What did you find out?
STUDENT: Well, most people know that junk food isn’t the best for you but what I’ve found out is that just about all snack food is crammed full of sugar. And not just snack food but drinks too.
DJ: Like what?
STUDENT: Well, if you are going to have a muesli bar you might as well just have a chocolate bar, the sugar is about the same. Or have a soft drink if you want it because apple juice isn’t any better for you.
DJ: Are you telling me that apples aren’t healthy?!
STUDENT: No, apples are healthy but apple juice is the apple with all of the good things taken out.
DJ: I had no idea.
STUDENT: Some years ago a major company offered the World Health Organisation virtually unlimited supplies of muesli bars to send to third world countries and the WHO said “no thanks, they are too unhealthy”!
DJ: NO WAY!!!!
STUDENT: Yes .
DJ: OK, so what’s your message to us today?

STUDENT: Kids, don’t drink so many soft drinks, have an apple sometimes, it won’t kill you, in fact it might do the opposite. Parents, read the nutritional information label on the packaging so you at least know what unhealthy food you are giving your children to eat, and just say “no” sometimes when they demand fast food on the way home from football.
DJ: Well, that’s a pretty good message you got there. You’ve certainly given us something to think about. I for one will never look at a muesli bar in the same way again! Thanks for coming in to talk to us this afternoon.
STUDENT: No probs, thanks for the opportunity.

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